Thursday, August 1, 2013

Mommy Syndrome

Do you have what I like to call "Mommy Syndrome"?  I really hope I'm not the only one that suffers from this.  The more children I have the worse it seems to get.

"Mommy Syndrome" by definition is when you do not ever put yourself first.  Symptoms include wearing frumpy clothes day in and day out followed by scary looking hair that you never have time to fix and rounded out by never, and I mean never, buying yourself something pretty to help alleviate these symptoms.  All this while juggling the laundry, crying kids and cleaning the house.

It might look something like this...

Or this...

And quite possibly this...

I don't like feeling this way.  I think it has to do with the fact that I can't seem to get rid of the last 20 pounds of baby weight.  Colten is over a year now and I can't get rid of the weight.  With Levi and Jax I had lost my baby weight at this point.  I feel like it has something to do with me not pumping my breast milk after having Colten.  Instead of pumping to help me lose the weight I just let my milk dry up.  Colten wasn't nursing so I just let it go.  I now regret that decision. 

As I'm packing up our stuff to move to Wyoming I look in my closet and I want to throw every piece of clothing out.  Maybe not everything but most of it.  I'm going to admit something that is very embarrassing to me.  I very rarely if ever buy myself new clothes.  Unless I'm pregnant of course.  I have some clothes still from when I was single.  Single, people!!  Yeah, that was 8 1/2 years ago.  Sad! 

I feel guilty when I spend any money on myself.  I see something I like and think it would be nice to have but then I think about how much milk that $20 shirt can buy.  Or how much cereal or bread or gas in my car.  My thoughts just instantly go to my kids and how they need stuff more than I do. 

For the last few years I have been going to consignment sales for my kids clothes.  I always go on the half price days and rack up some major deals for them.  Twice a year I go to this same sale and I'm dragging out my bag of clothes for them.  If I went and bought all this stuff new I would spend hundreds of dollars on my kids clothes.  But I don't feel guilty when I buy for my kids because I know they need it.  But for some reason in my head I don't ever need anything new. 

Then there is the frumpy clothes thing.  Usually I'm in basketball shorts and a t shirt.  Some days that is nice to wear but when you wear it it gets old really fast.  Again, in my head I tell myself why do I want to get dressed in my nice clothes when at some point in the day I will get spit up on, pooped or peed on, juice or milk will go flying or better yet food will inevitably land on my clothes? 

So I get up, put on my bra, if I'm feeling really crazy that day, throw on my shorts and nasty t shirt and call it good. 

But I'm tired of feeling this way.  I don't like feeling this way.  I want to feel pretty again.  I want to not be embarrassed if someone comes and knocks on my door and I have to hide in shame.  This affects everything in my life.  I don't feel pretty for my husband which makes me think he never wants to be seen with me in public.  I don't want to be the mom that takes their kids to school and other kids make fun of. 

So what am I going to do about this horrible "Mommy Syndrome"?  I'm hereby proclaiming that I am taking charge of my life and putting myself first for a little while.  Not on everything but on some things.  I'm not going to go crazy and spend a bunch of money on clothes and pretty jewelry.  But if I'm out and see a shirt I like and if we can afford it I'm not going to feel guilty about getting it.  Maybe over time I'll bring my wardrobe up to date.

When we get to Wyoming I'm really hoping Matt will have a little more free time to go and work out with me.  It really helps me to have a workout buddy to keep me motivated.  I feel so much more self confident when I'm in shape. 

I want to get a pedicure every now and then.  Money will be very tight for us with Matt going back to school.  But again, if we can afford a pedicure then I don't want to feel guilty for having pretty toes.  Snow boots may be all I'm wearing in Wyoming and no one will see my feet but there is just something about having nice toes that makes you feel good. 

So that's my little sad sob story for today.  What do you do to make yourself feel better?  How do you keep yourself from falling into the "mommy syndrome"? 

1 comment:

  1. You are beautiful and we love you just the way you are! You aren't frumpy to us!